Most people know who this is about and some may not agree with me speaking up about it, but I need to. I’m not gonna bore you with every little thing this man… Boy did to me. The not letting me eat when we went out, punching doors, always putting me down to the point I didn’t want to exist, how he left me up in the woods with no cell service,the time he forced himself on top of me then left with another girl. Those are just little acts this monster had on me. But this trauma, this abuse doesn’t define the person I am. The stuff I have overcame has defined who the woman I am and why I am the way I am today.

When I was 20 my fiance at the time and I wanted to have a baby together. I figured if I had his baby or if I was pregnant he would change. But boy was I wrong.

We had a very bumpy relationship we would end things and every time he would convince me he would change so I would go back to him. Dick and I at this point had been together for almost 3 years. He was not this nice guy that everybody else saw. I saw the monster he had become. He was a narcissist emotionally abusive boy.

The worst time in our relationship would have to be a few months prior to finding out I was pregnant. We were fighting all the time he had scared me for some reason and I just had it. I needed some time to think. So I went to stay with some friends.

I will go into more detail about this and what he did in my book but for now this is just a glimpse of the fear he had and control over me he had.

I won’t go into every detail because that’s too long but somehow he found me and tried threatening me and my friends to get me to come outside but that didn’t work. A few days later things had cooled down and I went back with him and I would regret not staying with my friends.

We had to house sit for his uncle because they were going out of town. And during that time we went for a drive on duffort, Anyone who is  from around here knows how the road is in the winter of all times too. Well long story short is he started threatening my life telling me I was nothing without him and if I had left again I would regret it.

Well he thought threatening me wasn’t enough he had to prove to just how serious he was. He was going about 55-60 on duffort speeding up towards a cliff where there was nothing but a lake. I can’t swim and I’m terrified of the water if I cannot touch and he said, “if I can’t have you nobody can!” I was terrified for my life so told him I wasn’t going anywhere. I love you. He slowed down as I was having a panic attack and crying and he told me how sorry he was he just wanted me to know he couldn’t live without me.

This boy will never know what it is like to be the victim of someone’s abuse, but I hope his karma comes because so many times I wanted to leave him but I was too scared of him but I thought I would be the one to change him. And I now know you cannot change someone who doesn’t see or want to admit to what they are doing.

It gets too hard for me to think about every detail but here’s just a little bit of the fear I had and why when I see this person I have panic attacks